I almost forget this feeling


it has been a while since I wrote about how I felt after attending a program.

Things are a lot difference back in Malaysia. Those who are never anticipated these, will have tarbiyah ‘culture shock’.

From being in the conducive environment of knowledgable and open minded people, you will face the real people of Malay, the attitude are still much moulded by the society, although you are dealing with dakwah people.


Even you tried to explain and share the ideas, they struggle to understand what do you really means. They never experience what you have felt and the way you were taught in terms of tarbiah are difference from others.

A brother once told:

‘ What I learn from tarbiah is what i learned from the field ( medan),’

I sort of understand that what he learned from his experience is more than what he received from his wasilah of tarbiah.

Whenever I tried to share my actual feeling of my own tarbiah, how I felt so dampen and plateau since I back home, I was not alone. A lot of people struggle to maintain , not even enhance their knowledge about dakwah in our home country.

The understanding might be difference, as you can see, from previous many years, things got repeated over and over again. As you grew older, definitely the way u understand would be differ.

But the methodology of delivering the message are the same. It seems never change although the globe already change and advance. This kind of method is good to create more followers, but not leaders and thinkers. People like me felt so drowned and was not able to sit tight to face this. I know I have make the ultimate change!

Not a few akhawat came to me and told how they felt unmotivated to go to daurah, not that they are not an eager learner, but becuase they know, if given choice between daurah and nouman ali khan, nouman ali khan will give them a better understanding about their deen compare to their own daurah.

Whenever our sisters felt excited and exhilarate after attended ilmfest and big programs organise by others than my own jemaah,deep in my heart, i felt dysharmony and contemplating. I know this shouldnt be right.

I mainly learnt about the deen and dakwah from this jemaah. I have met so many knowleadgable person in jemaah and i know how can this caravan move further. I know the best people had be the best person after knowing their deen. Through this wasilah, I have met so many free hair sisters wearing hijab and became the workers of Allah. Their life changes 360 degrees upon knowing about Islam and commited to tarbiah and dakwah.

A lot of wonder had happen through this jemaah. I remember the moment second hidayah entered my life. I never felt my heart felt so much light and energy until i was unable to sleep for a few days, thinking how can I spread this feeling of iman to others.

I missed those feelings.

I was trying to seek for it. Try to suggest a few things to other, so that we can rejuvenate our iman. Try to create back the environment that we have felt before. When I met any person who just face hidayah for the first time, I can see the light from her face. I can felt her sincerity, and that’s sight really boosted my iman as well.

Being busy with work, with dakwah work, with tarbiah work, with family, all of that really make me further away from the feeling of having hidayah the first time. Makes me forget how to interact to my heart everytime I do anything.

It seems doing dakwah make us busier until we unable to find to speak to our heart, to communicate with ALlah, to be the best person in family and a great daie in our workplace. Somehow, the knowledge that we learn from usrah is just embedded in our notebooks, not in our heart and lifestyle.

Being in a program organise by others, having international speakers talk about simple thing, but in a different methodology and angle, really sparks me. They managed to touch the heart of professional citizens who was trying to find something that they cannot find from the malay speaking ustaz or even our jemaah ( not yet!).

These organisation are doing dakwah as hard as the other jemaahs.They presevere and tried to make difference in Malaysia. They also want to create more leaders in Islamic countries.

And they manage to do it. They manage to gather workers and volunteers. Im quite amazed how they can pull such a big crowd. Although there are still many rooms of improvement.

I was really impress by those participants, who really sincere in changing themselves. They are the one whose hijab might not seems the best among some people, but the way they speak about islam is way much sincere and understanding. U heart seems tremble listening to their speech.

It is a speech of iman.

And I know, we need to create more environment like this.Environment of iman. The knowledge that really transmit the feeling to the heart and transform it to action. That’s whats been missing in my own tarbiah. The knowledge would never been expanded if it is only regarded as information. As something to memorize, not to understand, to feel and to reflect upon it.  Not just reading a book and discuss intelectually about hadis or fikrah. But to be able to make it alive and practical. Most importantly, to touch our very own heart.


Miss Nina was explaining how she would want to contribute to dakwah. Subhanallah!
Miss Nina was explaining how she would want to contribute to dakwah. Subhanallah!

Many of us was trying to finish off the syllibus and just go through it without thinking, how those thing will transform a person to become a great leader! Many of us just do it because we were asked to do so. We were told to look at the manhaj and we uncontiously copy it without understanding the impact that it should bring to those who go thrught it.

The manhaj is never wrong. Is the people who interpret it and deliver it, determine the success of the manhaj. The essence and the blessing of tarbiah seems fade away when people treat is as information that need to be enforce to other people. We make people memorize it, not understanding and feel it.

We forget that the impact of knowledge is iman. The iman will transform to amal. That is taqwa. We never check how the knowledge that we have deliver to our mutarabbi transform her to become closer to Allah. Makes him or her more obedience to Allah. Makes their heart more softer than the silk.

It is not how much we know is important, but we do is more important.


There are a lot things to be done. This is the dakwah that I really love the most. And I know to be extraordinary in dakwah, we have to be ready to become abnormal. The change always hard to be accepted. This include by people in our own jemaah. We need to be patient. To be brave enough to bring forward this changes. Or else, our vision to lead this country with Islamic caliphate will be a very long way to go.


Thats all. Will share again later.



Author: Muharikah

Dr Aisyah Daie di JalanNya..

3 thoughts on “I almost forget this feeling”

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