Is going to the beach and feeling the breeze of its wind brush my face..
Is to be able to write and write without worrying I have got some other errands to do.
is to be able to travel wherever I am needed, to see as many people as I can so I can share the dream of dakwah with them.
is to be able to learn quran and hadis from the masters so I can understand it to teach other ummah.
( maybe if I have children of my own, I want to bring them to Mecca so that we all can learn to memorize quran and understand it! wow!)
The list would be endless and definitely I know what I don’t want to do : WORKING.
Melihat orang lain mempunyai masa dan tenaga untuk menunaikan impian mereka, to be able write their own book and expand their dakwah networking and bussiness, to be able to join as many program as they could, made me sooooooo envy of their life. Indeed I am. I wish I have more time.
But normally, when I finished my 36 hours of oncall day, I will collapse for the next 12 hours, unable to be productive as much as I can. I wanted to learn more about Islam, to be able to help other sisters organising their program, to be able to spend time with my mutarabbi, to be able to write a book… but time, is not on our side for doctors. My heart finally disheartened by this fact although I have kept reminding myself to be in going through the process.
‘ Saya tak tahu nak kerja apa lagi, so terpaksalah saya kerja doktor.’ Salah seorang ukhti pernah menyebut perkara itu pada saya.
Yalah, sapa nak kasi RM 5000-8000 untuk kerja sebagai Medical officer. walaupun baru kerja 3-4 tahun. Kerja kat majalah Jom dan imanshoppe pun maybe amik masa 5-10 tahun utk dapat gaji that much.
‘ Tapi takkanlah kita nak kerja doktor sebab kita tak tahu nak buat perkara lain? Out of compassion?’ Jawapku.
Deep in our hearts, as doctors, we understand the importance of being a muslim doctor. We understand that good hands and hearts are needed to treat good people. We understand, in the time of war, we are as equally as important as the soldier. We understand that Muslim doctor need to be in the health care system to change the system and make it a better workplace, to remind patient about their obedience to God and to educate other doctors the importance of doing the right thing to patient.
Everytime, I drove back after my oncall day, with dizziness and lazy eyes, I will ask my self over and over again:
‘ Is it worth to sacrifice the time, effort and feeling to serve other people who sometimes dont appreaciate what you do? Is it worth to be in the white building where we can optimally be function in the society as daie most of the time?
Then again, we know that we need Muslim doctors. A good daie doctor who understand their responsibility as khalifah is better than 10 normal doctors. We have to make the change somehow. It just need more time and patience to achieve that goal.
Memang, selalu kecewa dengan diri sendiri yang lunyai dan lembik lepas oncall. Rasa useless. akhwat lain bazooka je macam2 pengisian dan amal mereka penuhi di hujung minggu samada bersama keluarga mahupun dakwah.Kita? Dua2 pun tak dapat. Spend masa dengan orang tersayang pun susah. Spend masa dengan dakwah…… hurm… kalau sempat lagi nak fikir. WAssap pun susah nak berbalas dan baca.
I dont know. Seems like medical field had consumed and drowned so many good people in dakwah. We have lost so many great people in dakwah. Those who are leaders in dakwah and the pioneers of duat at their place once upon a time ago. We have lost them through this system; medical system.
Definitely we have to correct this. Ikhwan has shown many examples. Those who taught Islamic studies, sirah , tafsir and fiqh dakwah had background of medical and engineering professionals. They became the expert and consultant in their fields, but master in Islamic studies. We need to be like them, no matter how drain we are now. We just have to fight.
Be compassion about being a doctor as much as we are compassion as daie.
‘ You never understand the life as HO in Malaysia.’ One of the sister had shouted to me the statement when I tried to contact her the first few months of her HO works. Our friendship never been the same when she started working. Both of us had drown in the system, although we still survive in dakwah.
I am devastated. I wish doctors among ikhwah akhawat can do more. Not just in medical field. But in dakwah field. To involve in dakwah, usrah and tarbiyah. To be able to master quran and hadis to be able to teach laymen person. Because doctors are the front liner of the society. We see and communicate with the lowest till the upper level of the society. We are directly encounter them to do the dakwah.
But, we have no time. Just about we want to go back home, there is lumbar puncture that need to be done. U already passed your working time. The lumbar puncture that only took about 30 minutes, required 2 hours because patient was restless and need to be sedated.
You drive back home, yawning, hoping that you are not crashing to someone else’s car. You missed your lunch that day and could not bothered to think about food cause your body so yearn for bed. Let ago the usrah, daurah, or even ziarah other people. You are just with your own white coat life.
How bizarre and devastating!
I cannot be able to read sirah book i like cause i need to revise about management of guillain bare or the pathophysiology of motor neuron disease every night. I want to write a book but I have to prepare presentation on thyroid storm. Ya Allah, luangkan masa kami sesungguhnya!
There are so many things we want to achieve in life. Allah sahaja penolong kita! Allah sahaja!
Doakan kami, para doktor,untuk cemerlang dalam bidang dakwah dan doktor!