Come on, we can do this!

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Salam

Memang sukar bila sudah berada di Malaysia.

Jika saya ada satu ayat untuk diberikan kepada adik-adik saya di luar negara sebelum mereka balik ke Malaysia, akan saya katakan:

” Mantapkan hubungan hati dengan ALlah”

 

Itu sahajalah jalan penyelamatnya. Jalan untuk sentiasa istiqamah di atas jalan dakwah.

Terkadang kita merasai kita sudah berbuat banyak perkara, tapi ternyata amal kita masih sedikit. Walaupun kita cuba untuk buat yang terbaik, tapi yang terbaik itulah yang Allah tentukan.

Saya sendiri, bermuhasabah dengan dahsyatnya, mengapa diri saya merudum, sepulang ke Malaysia.

Hati menjadi kering. Amalan menjadi perlahan.

Jika ada yang menjemput berkongsi pengalaman dan pengisian, saya tahu hati saya berbeza dengan yang dahulu.

Dan seperti mana seorang adik pernah mengaku dengan saya :

‘ saya cam kecewa sket bila first time jumpa akak. tak sebest yang saya sangkakan.’

Oh well, thanks adik, for being honest.

She told me after we knew each other for 10 months.

She is now my best anak usrah. Erk.

 

And everytime i gave a talk, i know, the feeling was not there. It was empty. It felt like i was pushing and forcing myself to deliver something just for the sake of giving. Just because i know it is painstaking to get a muwajjih to give a talk. daurah kene berjalan tiap2 bulan. murabbi dan asatizahnya kurang. sapa lagi nak memberi kalau bukan kakak2?

I just dont know how to explain how uncomfortable i was to give some thing to those who i just met.

Ntahlah. orang kata kene biasakan, kene adapt. Dakwah memang begitu naturenya akhirnya.

 

Seperti mana my mom always told me over and over again.

” AIsyah, this is Malaysia, not Glasgow and not even Dundee.’

Cause she sees me driving and acting like im in layback mode of Scotland.

Adakah begitu dakwahnya di sini. This is Malaysia. Not in UK anymore. The dakwah mode is different here.

‘Apa yang awak kecewa dengan saya?’ Saya bertanya pada dia.

” Entah, akak tak tanya nama kami. akak main blah camtu sahaja. tak taaruf sangat. so apa je pengisian akak kasi tak masuk dalam hati,’

Woah! Terbaik punya mutarabbi. jujur habis!

Somehow, I was glad to have these conversations with her. It was kinda self reflection, where your true images are from those who are really closed to you.

ANd I missed scotland, jordan and mesir badly. I missed doing dakwah there.

But i know, i cannot live in the land of dream again. BEing in my comfort zone.

And I know, i need to find a way.

I just need to come back again.

Truly I thank Allah for giving me the opportunity to be involved in Majalah Jom. Reading all the writing from the sincere hearts really touched me and made myself aware the aim of why I am still alive in this world, and to be all out in this path again.

Dahulu, bila ramai batch saya balik, they came back in a group. They stay together. They supported each other. They make sure none of them get away from dakwah dan tarbiyah.

Namun lanskap dakwah dan berubah. Dari generasi ke generasi yang bfg dari luar negara makin ramai. Hence support itu sudah tidak boleh stay begitu lagi.

And i was the only one in batch who came back at the odd times. And i was alone in a new environment. And I felt exactly what other people from other places felt, when u are the only one who came back from overseas. it is strange. and it is hard. From being a leader to a follower. From being the one who lead program, who organise, who makes things moving, to the one who just wait and see, waiting for ppl to call for help, and being a silent readers in the googlegroups.

it was just opposite of me.

And then I realize, if I kept mourning and complaining. Nothing get moves. I felt more depressed. Eventually I will trap myself in a land of ‘self-satisfactory of not doing anything much.’

Really Malaysia is a real struggle. It defines yourself. It makes u think very hard what do you want in your life.

 

And eventually, after a year searching and learning the new environment, you will find the best niche for you to work at. And really, before that thing happens, we just have to be persistent to attend usrah and daurah, even you just cannot get the flow.

 

Oklah. Banyak benda nak share lagi. tips kewangan, tips karier, tips untuk sentiasa beramal walaupun down. Tapi masa sedikit sedangkan tanggungjawap banyak.

 

Saya sendiri tengah nak reconstruction balik muharikah.com kene discuss balik dengan lain2. maybe akan pindahkan semua ke muharikah.com and isi muharikah.com pindah ke website baru. tengoklah. banyak benar impiannya.

 

 

PS: i just read a book ‘Start at the end’. It teaches how to plan your life by visualising what you want to achieve at the end of your life. Guess what my end of life vision? I will share with you in the next post iAllah.

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2 thoughts on “Come on, we can do this!

    Maisarah Masruhan said:
    January 15, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    kak. semoga Allah beri kekuatan utk kita semua.

    sybdkmesir said:
    January 17, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    salam kak,plis share jgk tips cemana nk sntiasa beramal even tgh down tu eyh .plis plis plis .highly needed T.T
    jzkk kak

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