i am grateful to Allah for giving me this another opportunity of life. Not to fullfill mine, but others.
I wonder what my life would be if not this life that had been chosen by Him.
What we have gone through always the best that He already planned for us. Of course there will be hiccups. Of course there will be bitterness of life that we have to outcry to Allah during the moment of soothingness.
Hello!!! We are not living in the fairy tale, or even novel or love movies.
we live in the reality.
reality = happy and sad. Good and bad. Ups and down.
It is how we deal with the happiness and sadness that matters. it is the way we handled our stress and problems that made us see the lights at the end of the narrow tunnel.
It is the way we accept that life is like that ; is like a cycle. You will face enjoyment and resentment. and each phases have their own beauty and lesson that Allah wants to teach us.
Likewise, when i face the syndromes of fatigued, stress and tension headache, I try to find the way to sooth it. some problems cannot be solved immediately. Time will take its course to answer them. But you need to get away from it for a while to let you see the options to answer them. You cannot think straight if you use all your brain cells to think without stop.
Alhamdulillah, looking at their faces create joy to my heart. Something is fullfilling my heart when I helped them, touched their hands and try to make them alive, as long as their can.
Many of them counting their days to live in this life.
One lady survived until 102 years old. the eldest man was 93. Another reason why i can forget all the problems that had crunch the cells in my brain is when they said;
‘ Hey, I liked your smile!’
And he smile back at me. The gentleman already 90 years old. Very frail. Reminds me of my baktuk, may Allah accept his deed, who died before I can say good bye to him,.
He is a very demented man.
‘ Do I know you?’ he asked me.
‘ Of course you know me darling, I saw you here almost every day,’ and i was listening to his chest, looked as his leg and finally comforting him as much as I can.
‘ You’ll be ok Helbert. You take care ok?’
I left his bed and try to organise my thought on what can I write in the case notes.
The staff nurse was flagging to me about his deterioration condition. He was vomiting blood.His urine output was very poor. And he just falling off. Pulling out his venflons. Shouting at night. and even being naked at one time.
And i wonder myself what would I do and be when I reached that kind of age?
Would i want live long enough to see everything in the life, but yet, getting old being demented? or I want to live as much as i can, aiming to become a syuhada and died early. to be with my prince in Jannah Insyaallah.
True what Allah has said. At the end of life time, when we became old, we would be back to what we were before. We need somebody to aid us to do everything we want to do. We communicate in the language that other people cannot understand. Some be naked without realizing what they do.
And when you looked back, you really hope that you can find the syuhada before you reach the demented phase of your life.
And surely when my heart and head filled with heavy matters, looking and helping those people; the patients that I have seen many hours throughout my day, bringing the soothness in my heart. It was contemplating and contentment. And it is the joy that I get without asking anything for return.
I remember someone who left me without a smile in the face, i do feel the gloomy wind and rain struck in my heart. and that moment, my heart failed to smile my day.
And when I smiled to those faces who embraced it, I know the joy that I have brought into their life.
When you smile, you bring the happiness in their hearts. And that happiness give them hope.
I don’t know whether they would understand about Islam. But, I do know they can still fill the touch of Islam even without understanding them.
And after what I did today, I do feel lighter in facing my day. I do feel there is hope to the gloomy day. And may Allah gives the sunshine to us, making us wanting to do more in this life.
I know, its been a while since I wrote about my life as a who I am.
But this job I have, do build my character and the way i am now.