I am just a normal person

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salam,

apa khabar semua?

hurmm.. camne eh saya nak cakap..

saya bangun pagi terus kene pergi ward dari kol 9-4pm. lepas tu balik rumah dah flat, dan sibuk baca emel-emel tentang program2 dan masalah2 di kawasan. dan kol 9pm saya dah kene  start tulis essei yang berlambak2.

Sementalahan plak, kalau dah borak dengan sisters, masa saya akan abes dengan berborak..

maka kuranglah masa saya untuk membaca, dan mengupdate blog.

There are too many things i want to share with you guys. If I have the whole life itself, I want to live it with you guys and show the way on how to walk this life.

Although a friend told me that, if you want to get things done, give it to the busiest person in the world. It is so ashamed to admit that I am the busiest person in the world as I do sleep 7 hours a day and spend a good time watching BBC news or MasterChef  or Top Gear (oppppssss…. I know I shouldn’t!!huhuhuh)

Ramai juga tegur tentang jahiliyah saya yang satu ini: tengok tv.

And this has been escalated since I came to UK and live in such a boredorm life( except my dakwah life; owh it so happening!). Sometimes I do hope the tele and good movies will fulfill my emptiness, but it wasnt. It just last for a moment. And then, faded away.

I made this one conclusion: only lonely people will consume their time watching TV and movies. Ironically, we don have this culture of; Im so bored! Lets read some books!No no no! It never happens. We rather get some enlightment and wanting to feel good by watching tele..

and i live in a routine, vicious cycle life. The people I see everyday are the people whom i cannot share my story and feeling with. When my eeman facing its futur ( donward)I have no one to keep on reminding me. So i do sometimes feel empty. I wanna talk to a real ppl, be able to communicate and see them. So whenever I end up in my cubicle room, i turned to my computer and start to search for the latest cerekarama in youtube.

It did helped me though, to cure my homesickness, to be able to soften my heart ( jangan main2, cerekarama skrng banyak menginsafkan tau!), but sometimes, there are many better and important things to do rather than dwelling in the fantasy world.  When one thing become your habit, its sooooooo difficult to trash it away.And as hard as I have to admit; wacthing a lot of tele, decrease the eeman, and harden the heart even more.

I know. I am just a normal person. If people do lost respect of me because of weaknesses, let them be. Because I am not perfect.

There are many things that I have done that I am sooooooooooooooooooo soooo sooo ashamed if other people knew i did it. Because I am not perfect.

I was once respected as a leader in school, and people do put high expectation on me. I have to performed well in my studies, in dakwah and also akhlak! But I did a mistake, in which that respect thorn apart and i was looked down by many of my friends. And they don even want to listen to what I say, although what I was trying to convey was for their own good.

But thats what normally people are. They want people to accept their weaknesses and fault, but they dont want to accept others weaknessess.. Hurmm…. ( haiyo.. ingat orang lain robot ke?huhuh)

And if there is a person whom they really respect and admire make a slight mistake, that respect will vanish, in a blink of an eye. How odd, eh?

In one of his book, Muhammad Ahmad Ar-rasyid, a scholar of fiqh dakwah mentioned:

Maafkanlah kesalahan orang yang memiliki kehormatan

dan orang yang memiliki kehormatan ini termasuklah para duat, hukama dan juga orang berkecimpung dengan kerja islam. Dan seharusnya para daie inilah yang perlu dinasihati dengan lemah lembut dan berhikmah, sebab dia juga manusia biasa yang memerlukan belaian kasih dan cinta.

Cuma terkadang masyarakat merasakan, kalau seorang daie itu buat kesalahan yang sangat obvious, maka mereka seharusnya dihukum dengan sekeras2nya. ( yelah, mereka lebih tahu pasal agama kan?)

But we are normal person. Dan Allah tak pernah berhenti dari menerima taubat hambaNya.

Seorang lelaki telah melakukan suatu dosa. Dia bertanya kepada Ibnu Mas’ud apakah ada taubat untuknya. Ibnu Mas’ud pun berkata, “Bahawa Syurga itu mempunyai lapan pintu. Semuanya terkunci kecuali pintu taubat. Maka pada pintu taubat itu ada seorang malaikat yang menjaganya, di mana dia tidak mengunci pintu tersebut. Dari itu bertaubatlah dan janganlah engkau putus asa!”

Even sudah lama dalam tarbiyah, sudah lama berkecimpung dalam dakwah, kita tak pernah suci dari dosa. Terkadang teguran tu datang dari mad’u yang tidak kita sangka2kan. Malah kita perlu bersyukur orang menegur dan menasihati kita, kerana mereka telah menyelamatkan diri dari neraka.

Although it is hard for me to break the chain of my jahiliyyahs, but I know, as long as tried hard enough, i will find my way out.  Memang susah… oh man! I cried so many times in my doa and prayer regretting what I have done. Because everytime I repent, I will do it again. Ya Allah, tak benar ke taubat aku? Dan sometimes I did feel; why do I have to repent if I know I would do it again??

But Allah maha Pemaaf and He will always Forgive.

We are human, regardless who we are, we will make mistakes and sins. But the best persons are those who are repent from their sinful acts. And keep on repenting. Takde dosa yang Allah takkan ampunkan kecuali syirik.

Dan dari Anas bin Malik radhiallohu ‘anhu beliau berkata: Rosululloh shalallohu ‚alaihi wa sallam bersabda: “Alloh subhanahu wa ta’ala berfirman: ‘Wahai anak adam, sesungguhnya jika engkau berdoa dan berharap kepada-Ku, niscaya Aku akan mengampunimu dan Aku tidak akan memperdulikannya lagi. Wahai anak Adam, seandainya dosa-dosamu memenuhi seluruh langit, kemudian engkau memohon ampun padaku, niscaya Aku akan mengampunimu. Wahai anak Adam, seandainya engkau datang kepadaku dengan kesalahan sepenuh bumi, kemudian engkau menjumpaiku dalam keadaan tidak berbuat syirik dengan apapun niscaya aku akan datang kepadamu dengan pengampunan sepenuh bumi pula. (HR Tirmidzi)

Maafkan saya jika saya tak perfect. Because I would never be…..

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2 thoughts on “I am just a normal person

    Terung Ungu said:
    January 22, 2009 at 4:15 am

    Salam Makcik… u r being so hard on urself.. How come u say watching tele is sum waste of time…?? nuthing wrong wit Top Gear..or even Cerekarama.. as long as u get to learn sumtink from it.. And as long as u r not IDLE..its GUD. Our religion advise us not to be idle and always make sure ur brain is always up to sumtink, being IDLE is a fren to da devil.. if u get wat i mean – i learnt dis from the book Dont B Sad 🙂 and tele can giv u lotzzzz of thingss.. if u’re creative enuff..u’ll definitely learn sumtink from everything dat happens around u or things dat u see on tele..

    Nobody can become perfect, the word perfect is only meant for God. To be honest wit u, ever since i came bck.. i’ve neva watched Cerekerama, my interest has changed pretty drastic.. i prefer documentaries.. travelling channels dan yg seangkatan dgnnyer. Pepagi lepas suboh, sy slalu tgk motivasi pagi dan ntah ape nama program yg ckp pasal agama jugak lah dan headlines for all newspapers in Mesia, kalau sempat la kan. Infact, im trying to read one book per month dis yr, tk kisah r buku ape tapi bukan porno ler.. :-P. But music is sumtink i can’t be apart from..and dancing..heheh.. but of coz, i always selang seli kan jugak music with bacaan quran in my car and my heart if not always, but most of da times, always think of God in order to ensure i dnt menyimpang jauh sgt frm agama.. mmg selalu jer tersimpang but tk jauh sgt.. coz tetiap ari gi keje mmg lalu kubur-kubur org Islam kt Jln Kuching tu.. ke Jln Ipoh..? tk sure. So tgk kubur..ingat dosa dan mati.. mmg tk bley lepas la dr ingat mati tetiap ari! and i attend my dancing class coz i love music n dancing but menari ngan org2 yg attend class tu jer, tkde sentuh2 lar tapi. and i’ve completely stopped clubbing, cuma teringin nk gi tgk gay punye club.. im jez curious as always.

    Anyway, my point here is.. be creative and always luk from the positive side of things.. tele, radio, cars, movies etc – all these r things which make our lives interesting apart making things easier for us.. being innovative and creative is part of wat our religion want us to hav. A fren of mine who loves watching Top Gear actually make moni frm the knowledge he gained from watching it. A company which is doing research on cars actually pay him a certain amount of moni just to ask him to fill up a form where it require him to know the yr of the car, the last yr the car was produced, the cc, and bla bla bla. See.. he actually make moni out of the knwledge he gained frm watching tele!! Its all in ur mind my Dear Sis.. it depends on hw creative u r to make ur life meaningful and di dlm keredhaan Tuhan .. and always be urself!!

    To whoever who distant themselves simply becoz u r not the person they expected u to be, let them be.. they dont feed u by d way, u can still live life normal even without them in ur life! Infact easier..! less frens less headaches.. i may sound mean but i believe dat there r more vital things in life to think of rather than this group of ppl! appreciate ppl who accept u as wat u r.. if they r ur true frens, they wud choose to clarify things wit u rather than assuming things n distant themselves frm u!

    al-jml said:
    January 23, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    Everyone is not expecting everyone to be perfect
    All the best

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