I have been back to my own comfy and quiet place where you rarely heard or even seen familiar faces who talk about familiar polemic that you always want to hear. I am back to my world where my needs of mujahadah is even greater than when I was with the rings of ‘akhwat’ who always keep on struck my heart with their sincerity. Even if you have a glimpse mischievous thoughts, whispered by your nafs, just by being with them, smelling the breeze of the same air that we breathe in, really tunes you back to realize the purpose of our creation in this world. They killed your fancy imagination to have the fascinating excitement of this world by making you realize that this world is just created by Allah as place of test, as a stopover between you and akhirat..
Indeed, this world is not a playground but we always want it to be like that. We always want to have fun, want to fulfill our lust, want to achieve what our hearts want to, but we forgotthat simple thing, the thing that determines your fate in afterlife.
I have been travelling so far and so long, and I come to realize nothing is much sweeter than the faith that you can feel with your lips of heart by believing that ‘someone’ is always wathcing over you and count for every action that you made;
‘Kepunyaan Allahlah segala apa yang ada di langit dan bumi. Dan jika kamu lahirkan apa yang dalam hatimu atau jika kamu sembunyikan, nescaya Allah akan membuat perhitungan dengan kamu tentang perbuatan kamu.’ ( 2: 284)
Baca juga surah 58:7
Sorry for the very late entry. It just occurs to me that probably maybe I should stop writing. There are thousands of other good writers who write much better than me. Then again, I should think, that is their amal, what about me? What make it much bitter is my lack of companions with the English or even Malay literatures at present time until I can feel that even my brain is struggling to find the right word to attribute to the exact meaning that I want to point out in my writings.
And thats why this entry is in English.
I will be back insyaalllah… WIth more writing and writing, insyaallah..
RIght now, I have my sister with me, whom I always want to be with, as part of my escapism from the world of deniality of feeling ever alone again…and of course because she is one of my sister , those who really want to be with, although you are hundreds miles away from them…
With my akhawat, lies my heart, even there were so much stones and bitterness along the way,
Jan & Februari- Moscow, Nisa’ week, Cairo Congress presentation and my own studies…