it has been a while since I wrote about how I felt after attending a program.
Things are a lot difference back in Malaysia. Those who are never anticipated these, will have tarbiyah ‘culture shock’.
From being in the conducive environment of knowledgable and open minded people, you will face the real people of Malay, the attitude are still much moulded by the society, although you are dealing with dakwah people.
Even you tried to explain and share the ideas, they struggle to understand what do you really means. They never experience what you have felt and the way you were taught in terms of tarbiah are difference from others.
A brother once told:
‘ What I learn from tarbiah is what i learned from the field ( medan),’
I sort of understand that what he learned from his experience is more than what he received from his wasilah of tarbiah.
Whenever I tried to share my actual feeling of my own tarbiah, how I felt so dampen and plateau since I back home, I was not alone. A lot of people struggle to maintain , not even enhance their knowledge about dakwah in our home country.
The understanding might be difference, as you can see, from previous many years, things got repeated over and over again. As you grew older, definitely the way u understand would be differ.
But the methodology of delivering the message are the same. It seems never change although the globe already change and advance. This kind of method is good to create more followers, but not leaders and thinkers. People like me felt so drowned and was not able to sit tight to face this. I know I have make the ultimate change!
Not a few akhawat came to me and told how they felt unmotivated to go to daurah, not that they are not an eager learner, but becuase they know, if given choice between daurah and nouman ali khan, nouman ali khan will give them a better understanding about their deen compare to their own daurah.
Whenever our sisters felt excited and exhilarate after attended ilmfest and big programs organise by others than my own jemaah,deep in my heart, i felt dysharmony and contemplating. I know this shouldnt be right.
I mainly learnt about the deen and dakwah from this jemaah. I have met so many knowleadgable person in jemaah and i know how can this caravan move further. I know the best people had be the best person after knowing their deen. Through this wasilah, I have met so many free hair sisters wearing hijab and became the workers of Allah. Their life changes 360 degrees upon knowing about Islam and commited to tarbiah and dakwah.
A lot of wonder had happen through this jemaah. I remember the moment second hidayah entered my life. I never felt my heart felt so much light and energy until i was unable to sleep for a few days, thinking how can I spread this feeling of iman to others.
I missed those feelings.